May I Have This Dance?

It's funny how the smallest things can make us flash back to a specific memory in our pasts, or certain music can create a scene in your head, or how a certain smell reminds you of a certain season. Sights, sounds, and smells usually send me flying back to the past, remembering distant memories that I usually forget to think about. It's nice when a song comes on and suddenly I'm no longer in my living room, I'm transported to a ballroom. I'm wearing a beautiful long, cream coloured dress and my hair is in a tight bun near the top of my head. White candles are lit all around the room, there is no other light but candle light. A man in a suit walks out from the shadows and takes my hand. He holds out his arms as if asking "may I have this dance?" I smile and nod, and silently accept. We begin spinning around the room, dancing effortlessly, despite never taking a single lesson. We smile, not only with our lips, but with our eyes as well. Our steps are perfectly in tune, never missing a beat, like we're moving as one. We swirl and twirl around the ballroom as the piano notes quicken, still never missing a step. But soon enough, the music slows and we stop twirling and begin to sway instead. I close my eyes for a moment to enjoy the beautiful music and the smell of burning candle wax that surrounds me. We stop swaying as the music stops, and I open my eyes. I'm back in my living room. If only, if only. 

Just Some Covers.

I absolutely love music, and I've been playing and singing for quite some time but rarely do I have the confidence to actually upload videos because I'm a little shy about that kind of thing. So, one day I decided to just go for it and stop worrying about what other people might think. If you like it, you like it, if not then you don't need to listen. Practice makes perfect :) 

She Will Be Loved Cover

When I'm Gone (Cups) Cover

Decisions, Decisions.

How many times in our lives are we faced with decisions? We face them many, many times on a daily basis but obviously some are on a much larger scale than others. The choices you may have to make could vary between "what should I eat for lunch today?" to "what do I want to do for the rest of my life?" We make decisions based on our own personal experience and our morals, beliefs and values. I personally have a tough time making even the smallest of decisions because I'm always concerned about every one of the possible outcomes of making that choice and I obsess over it for longer than I really should. I've realised that the possibilities of how something might turn out in the long run are endless because in the process you have to make a thousand smaller decisions to get you to the next point in your life. I cannot tell the future and I don't know where I'm going to be or what I'm going to be doing or feeling in 3 years from now, or even 6 months from now. I won't know until I get there. The truth is, to actually think about not being able to know what lies just ahead of me is terrifying but also exciting because as I said, the possibilities are endless. A lot of people like to think of life as a road or path where sometimes you come across a fork in the road and that's when you're faced with a decision. I like to think of life as an empty canvas, you have room to create your own story, and go whichever way you choose, there is no right or wrong way to learn. There are always going to be obstacles that pop up and you're going to have to find your way around them but if there's one thing I cannot stress more it's to not regret anything. At some point when you made that decision, you wanted it, so why regret something you once wanted? If you found out that you what you thought you wanted and what you actually wanted were completely different things there's no need to look back and say "I shouldn't have done that" or "I should have done this instead" because we can't erase the past but we can learn from it. One of the biggest questions of all time is "what is the point of life?" I believe that life is not about doing everything right and being the best or most accomplished person in the world. We all make mistakes but it's those mistakes that make us who we are. The point of your life is to be you, and no one else; to live up to your expectations, not society's, and to enjoy who you are and what you're doing. You can't enjoy yourself if you're constantly looking back and regretting the things you may have done wrong, but instead you can accept that you made a mistake and move on to the next part of your life knowing that you have grown as a person and have learned not only about how to handle certain situations but who you really are and expand on it. So, instead of obsessing over decisions and being afraid to make choices, just jump into it. There is no "worst thing that could happen" because even if something hurts you still learn and grow. Even if you thought it was the worst thing, you never really know where the other choices may have led you. The only thing you can do is make the best of it, move forward and continue creating your life and seeing where it may lead. 

Changes

You know what I find interesting? This may not be how it works with everyone but I can at least say it's true for myself and some of the people I have/had close relationships with. We do our most self reflections when we've been knocked down. We don't ever take the time to take a step back and look at ourselves when we're feeling good about ourselves, only when we're down. I was thinking today of all of the qualities I wish I could have but I don't and wondering if I could force myself to take on those qualities. For example, I'm a worrier and I'm often afraid to take risks. I need things to be absolutely clear and defined and laid out organized. I have a hard time making decisions even if it's just the smallest ones. These are a few of my personality characteristics, they make up who I am yet I often find that I don't want to be that person. I want to be brave and confident, and care less about things that I actually care way too much about. I want to stop obsessing over the little details and/or the things of the past. But I also realized I've had this thought so many times before too and I've tried to change parts of myself so that I can be completely satisfied with who I am. Then, I really started to think about it and I realized that I have changed quite a bit over the years. I've become stronger and taken a few more risks that I probably wouldn't have before, I've forced myself to step out of my shell more often and meet new people, but even though this is true I'm still often unhappy with the amount that all of these changes have increased. I thought that by now I wouldn't have a care in the world and that I'd be able to handle everything that comes my way. I thought I would be able to just brush off anything that made me feel less significant and unsure of myself because I'd be confident enough to know that who I am is just fine. These things seem to come so easily to others but for me it's like a struggle sometimes and I can't help but wonder if most people do feel this way but don't show it, or if it's something I'll grow out of, or if I'm just different. I'm not saying that I don't like who I am entirely, I do like certain aspects of myself but there are a lot of things that I could point out that I would like to improve and work on, and I'm quite impatient. A lot of the time I find myself wishing that I could just say "okay, starting today I'm going to be confident" and it would happen but reality is, is that it takes a lot of work and time to adapt to changes, and like I said, I'm impatient and honestly, a little bit scared. 

There are many things I wish I could change and I think my problem is, is that I have a major issue with feeling the need to be perfect. But here's the problem with my problem, there is no such thing as perfect. Everyone has a different idea of what "perfect" is but there is no exact description. So, my perspective on perfect is constantly changing because I'm hearing other people's opinions on what they think perfect is in all different aspects of life such as at work, as friends, in relationships, in every day life, and even as just a stranger. I want to be a good person who takes care of others and is sensitive to others feelings but at the same time I want to be able to be tough and strong and not have to worry about other people and how they affect my life, but the two just don't mix. Same goes for I want to be a confident person who isn't afraid to show the world exactly who they are but I also don't want to seem shallow or full of myself. There's no such thing as a happy medium apparently because no matter how hard I try I either end up caring too much or too little, coming off snobby because I'm too shy or obnoxious because I'm too "out there" or, end up hurting someone else because I'm too hard or hurting myself because I was too soft.  

After all of this over-analysing and thinking I've decided that there's nothing wrong with wanting to alter who you are to better yourself, because we do it all of the time regardless of whether we want to or not based on experiences in our lives. Our whole lives are spent figuring out who we are and I think that experiencing changes is definitely a part of that. Change is terrifying but it could be the best thing that ever happened to you and it's not something to obsess over. I don't need to change because someone else might want something different from me, I should want to change so that I can be happier and have a better life. So that's exactly what I will do. I can be whoever I want to be, and can do whatever I set my mind to. I can live life with no regrets, and stop obsessing over the past. The past is the past and you just have to take from that what you can learn and keep moving forward. 

Take a Minute and Really Think About This.

Just because I'm 19 years old doesn't mean that I'm a typical 19 year old. It doesn't mean that I have no idea what I'm talking about. It doesn't mean that I don't know what hard work is. It doesn't mean that I'm spoiled. It doesn't mean that I party all the time (or in my case, at all). So before you ignore what I have to say maybe listen for a minute and hear what I have to say because maybe I have new ideas you've never thought of. 

I am still young so I'm always open to new ideas, the world isn't just in black and white for me, I have good morals and will fight for what I know is right. I am a hard worker, I am independent, and I support myself. I am intelligent and use my brain more often than you'd think, I have learned through my experiences as well as other people's, I observe people and their actions and reactions, and I study psychology in my spare time. I am a very caring person and I do not judge based on appearance, or judge someone before I have met them. I appreciate the little things in life and see the beauty that a lot of people pass by. I wonder about how the world works and I find the answers to my own questions, I take every little thing and take it as a learning experience and I write about it to remind myself when I sometimes forget. I speak up for those who don't have a voice and for those who aren't always loud enough to be heard. I believe that there are good people in this world but there are also a lot of careless, selfish people. One of my biggest values is family and togetherness. I am sensitive, emotional and empathetic, I will always lend an ear or a shoulder to cry on for anyone that needs it. If you are willing to listen to my advice or even take it I will offer it. I believe that everyone deserves a second chance. And most importantly, I care about the well-being of others. 

I know I am not perfect and I know that I often make mistakes but I always correct myself, learn from the experience and make myself a better person. I try not to go to bed angry and I always forgive those who have done me wrong and apologize to those that I have done wrong or treated poorly. I am not bragging or tooting my own horn, just simply stating that my age does not mean anything. It's not about how old you are, it's about how much you've learned in those years and applied to your life. I know that I don't know everything there is to know but I am not ignorant and I usually know what I am talking about so if you could take the time to listen to what I have to say I will do the same for you. I respect everyone equally (unless given a reason not to) and I expect to be respected as well and treated as the mature, young woman that I am. This does not just apply to me but to every young person who also feels this way. The moral of my story here is: 

Take the time to listen to others, regardless of their age, race, gender and so on. They might surprise you and make more sense than you thought they would. 

I Love My Furbabies!

I can fully admit that I am one of those obnoxious parents that constantly brags about their kids at every opportunity, always has 5,000 pictures of their kids to show to anyone who will tolerate it and thinks that their kids are the best, most beautiful thing that has ever happened to this planet. Except, my kids have fur. Yes, I have pets but they're more than pets to me, they really are like my children, and the best part is that they can't talk back! So, I'm about to go all braggy mama on you and show you a gazillion pictures of my babies. 

 This is Roxy, she will be 2 years old this August. 

 This is Remi, he will be 1 year old this July. 

Roxy is an odd cat, she's not one of those stereotypical cats who will only let you pet her on her terms and when you want to cuddle she runs away. She's the exact opposite, she's always up for cuddles and comes to you when you whistle. 

 Despite the innocent look on Remi's face he sure is a troublemaker, but I can never stay mad at him because, well, look at that face! 

It's hard to tell what "breed" cats are but I have a theory that Roxy is a mix between a maine coon and a British Longhair.  

Remi was born with host-specific lice and lost most of his fur because of it. We took him to the vet and they gave him a shot and gave us some shampoo to get rid of the lice. After that I ordered this really great lotion stuff that has all sorts of essential oils in it and rubbed it on him at least twice a day every day. Before I knew it all of his fur had grown back in all nice and thick and soft and now he's a handsome young boy! 

Remi is super energetic and doesn't realize how big he is so he's always jumping all over me and almost knocking me over. He used to be hard to cuddle because he would get irritated or claustrophobic maybe and start biting (not hard) at you. After a lot of work and a lot of bonding time he now gives hugs and loves to cuddle.  

Remi is a pure bred husky but when he was a puppy he looked like a baby bear.  

Remi loves car rides like most dogs but absolutely insists on being in the front seat. 

Remi's favourite activity would probably have to be "eating" Roxy. He likes to rough house with her and stick her entire head in his mouth. He never really hurts her though and if he gets too rough she lets him know. Sometimes I catch them napping together.   

He has recently finally understood what the words "walk" and "treat" mean. This face means you have this attention.  

 When I first went to pick Roxy up we had to put her in a kennel for the car ride home. It was about a 45 minute drive and she was obviously scared because she was being taken away from her mom by some stranger. We put the radio on in hopes of calming her down and it worked. There was a good song on the radio and she stopped meowing and crying and started listening. The song then changed to something not so great and she started yowling. At least we know she has good taste in music! 

 You would think that if you were to put a small plate of turkey, mashed potatoes and corn in front of a cat that they'd go after the turkey first, maybe try the mashed potatoes and leave the corn but that wasn't the case last Thanksgiving. She went straight for the corn, ate almost all of it, tried some mashed potatoes and hardly touched the turkey at all. She's silly! 

Roxy is pretty shy when it comes to new people, if she hears the door open and it's a stranger she runs and hides but once she gets to know you on, you won't be able to get rid of her. She'll sit on your lap for hours if you let her. 

 One thing that Remi's pretty good with is bed time. Right around 9 or 10 pm he settles down and gets ready to go to sleep. That makes a very happy mama! That is, until he wakes up early the next morning and it's mama's day off and she wants to sleep in but Rem says "nooo! I want to go outside!" 

Roxy's a very happy kitty. She doesn't get in bad moods very often and she's always there to cheer me up. She just knows. She'll come over and lick the tears off of my face and put her forehead against my face and just lay there with me.  

Roxy feels the need to sleep on me. Every. Night. 

When Remi was a puppy we didn't have the chance to kennel train him because our neighbours complained about him whining (we live in a duplex), so it made it really hard to keep the house clean when we were gone. Luckily, those neighbours moved out and a friend of mine moved in who didn't mind the whining until he got used to it. Now he's so good that all I have to do is walk over to the kennel and open the door and he goes in. Treats always help too of course!

If it were winter all the time and Remi got to spend every day outside he would be as happy as a clam.It took awhile for Remi to get used to the snow but once all of his fur came back in he learned to love it. The first time I introduced Remi to snow I couldn't help but laugh. I opened the door to let him out and he stopped, sat down and looked at me like "you expect me to go do my business in this? Are you nuts?!" 

So, yeah, those are my furbabies along with some fun facts about them. I know you probably don't care all that much but they both mean the world to me and I don't know what I'd do without them. I love them both with all my heart. 

Also, if you were to ask me if I'm a cat person or a dog person I really wouldn't have an answer for you. I like having both because then you have both a dog that you can take places, keeps you active and loves to play as well as a cat that loves to cuddle, is more independent and does the most hilarious things. They both keep me going and keep me smiling every day! I wish I could say that at least one of them is a rescue but they weren't. I do hugely support rescue animals though and if I had the room I'd take in a whole bunch of them! 

On the topic of rescues, if you're looking to adopt a pet, adopt a rescue. If you're not looking to adopt but have room in your home, foster a pet. If you don't have room in your home but you could spare a little bit of your time to help out at your local animal shelter, please do so, they always need volunteers. If you don't have time to volunteer but still want to make a contribution, please donate, the cost of taking care of so many animals is not cheap. If you do at least one of these things you are helping save lives and bringing families (or fur-families) together. :) 

People Are Becoming So Insensitive...

I found yet another post on my Facebook newsfeed that I didn't quite agree with, this is what was posted: 

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"This was written by a 21 yr old female who gets it. It's her future she's worried about and this is how she feels about the social welfare system that she's being forced to live in! These solutions are just common sense in her opinion.

Put me in charge . . ..

Put me in charge of food grants. I'd get rid of cash for potato chips or chocolate. Instead there'd just be money for the staple foods like bread, milk, potatoes, fresh vegies, cheese and all the powdered milk you can haul away. If you want steak, pies and take-out pizza, then get a job.

Put me in charge of Healthcare. The first thing I'd do is to provide women with birth control implants or tubal ligations. Then, we'll test recipients for drugs, alcohol, and nicotine and document all existing tattoos and piercings. If you want to reproduce or use drugs, alcohol, smoke or get more tats and piercings, then get a job.

Put me in charge of government housing. Ever live in a military barracks?
You will maintain our property in a clean and good state of repair. Your "home" will be subject to inspections at anytime and possessions will be inventoried. If you want a plasma TV or Xbox 360, then get a job and your own accommodation.

Put me in charge of compulsory job search. In addition, you will either present a cheque stub from a job each week or you will report to a "government" job.

It may be cleaning the roadways of trash or painting and repairing public housing, whatever we find for you. We will sell your 22 inch rims and low profile tyres and your blasting stereo and speakers and put that money toward the "common good".

Now before you respond that I've violated someone's rights, realize that all of the above is voluntary. If you want our money, accept our rules. Before you say that this would be "demeaning" and ruin their "self esteem", consider that it wasn't that long ago that taking someone else's money for doing absolutely nothing was demeaning and lowered self esteem.
If we are expected to pay for other people's mistakes we should at least attempt to make them learn from their bad choices.

The current system rewards them for continuing to make bad choices.

AND while you are on Gov't subsistence, you no longer can VOTE! Yes that is correct. For you to vote would be a conflict of interest.....You will vote for a "welfare" Gov't. only. You will voluntarily remove yourself from voting while you are receiving a Gov't welfare cheque. If you want to vote, then get a job."
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I agree with some points, such as the first one about food grants. I am all for ensuring that we all eat healthier and especially if these people on welfare are getting money for food they should use it to make sure that they (and their families) are eating well and being healthy.

By the second paragraph it starts to get a little off topic. I agree that women should have birth control provided (although the kind of birth control should be optional and have more than just a couple choices), and I also agree that testing for drugs and excessive alcohol consumption should be tested for but documenting all tattoo's and piercings seems a little over the top. Why would they need documentation of these things? If the government were worried that they're spending the money they're getting on body modification they shouldn't be. Tattoo's and piercings don't come cheap, and I'm sure that if it came down to buying food and paying bills vs. getting a new tattoo/piercing the person would choose their needs over their wants. If the documentation is a health-related issue, I still see no reason to fuss over it, it's their own body and they have the freedom to express themselves in whichever way that they want. Basically saying "no, we will not give you birth control (or money) because you have many tattoos/piercings is stereotyping, it is unfair and it is wrong. 

In the third paragraph it starts to get even more ridiculous, I agree that if you're having your cost of living covered without working you should have to regularly do maintenance on the house and keep it clean and in good shape, but to actually go into someone's home and inspect it is a violation of people's privacy. I keep my house clean majority of the time and have nothing to hide but I would still be uncomfortable with someone coming into my home and judging me. It would just put stress on me and make me feel like I'm uncomfortable in my own home. Also, taking an inventory of all of someone's possessions isn't right either, that's not your business what someone has, what if they were to receive a gift or win a new TV? 

By the fourth paragraph it gets a little bit better and then a little bit worse, I definitely agree that if someone is able to work but just out of a job that they should be looking for work and having someone to push them to find work, and I even agree that if they don't have a job they can work "government" jobs such as cleaning up trash on highways, painting or repairing public housing. Those are all things that would need to be done anyway and it would not only give these people purpose to get up every day and accomplish something but it would also benefit the community as well. Directly after this wonderful idea though, it says that they will sell your expensive possessions because you don't have a job therefore you don't need it. If someone wanted the extra money they would sell those things themselves and the government has no right to take those things away anyway. What if it was something you got for yourself before you went on Welfare, when you had a job? What if it was also a gift, or won? Just because someone is poor does not mean that they deserve to have everything nice they ever earned taken away from them so that they have nothing, that's depressing. 

In the last bit of the post, the conclusion, it says that all of this shouldn't be considered violating someone's rights because it's all voluntary, and the reason why these people are on welfare is because they made "bad choices" but that's not true at all. A lot of the time, bad things happen to good people, people lose their jobs every day because there are less jobs and more cut backs. Let me share something with you, growing up, my mom and I were on welfare. It's not because she was lazy, or because she wanted to just live off of the government, it's because she couldn't. I often heard her talk about how she missed working. I am not 100% sure why she originally had to go on welfare but I know her poor health played a big part in it and it takes a long time to apply for disability and get accepted and etc. I can bet you that the author that wrote this opinion has never had to be on welfare or have serious issues making ends meet. I know this because of the desire to take the "nice" things that these poor people have and sell them or get rid of them or keep track of them. Here's a truth for you instead; most people on welfare do NOT have nice things. I remember when I was growing up I never had anything that was "cool" or "in", I took what was given to me and I was grateful for it. Not having anything made me learn to appreciate the small things in life, but that doesn't mean that we should take away everything nice that these people own. Some people need to have something nice to make them happy, if you take that away you're taking away hope. I understand the concept of "if you want something nice then work for it", I've worked for everything I have now, like my laptop, my cell phone, my first camera, my first iPod and other major purchases. I wanted them so I got a job and worked for them and it felt so much better than having them given to me because that object was proof of my success and achievements, and this person wants to take away those items that represent past accomplishments? No, let them keep them as a reminder that they worked hard for something once, and they can do it again, it's aspirational. 

Lastly, the final paragraph saying that all rights to vote are thrown out the window when you go on welfare is BEYOND wrong. Many people in history have had to fight for the right to vote and you're wanting to take that right away in exchange for some money? You want to know what that sounds like to me? It sounds like that if the government were to take all of these ideas and put them into action, they'd be scared that people would quickly realize it's not a fair trade and want things to change, but the only people who would realize this is the people who are being treated unfairly because they are on welfare. Those people would not be able to vote therefore not being able to try to make a change for the better and are under the government's complete control and become prisoners to them. (Just for the record, I have a job and support myself but I would still vote against getting rid of rights for people who are on welfare). I can clearly see that the opinion above was written by someone ignorant who has never had struggle in their life, and has never had things thrown at them that were out of their control. It seriously bothers me that people are becoming so selfish and stereotypical that they can become so insensitive to others and want them to suffer even more than they already are. Basically what this opinion says is that if someone has already lost their job, their money, their pride along with other things they should also have their rights, their possessions and any chance of happiness taken away from them as well so they're left with nothing. Come on now people, THINK ABOUT IT.