I Clean Toilets For a Living

For all of you that don't know I am a housekeeper. I like some parts of it, I hate some parts of it but overall for the most part I enjoy my job because of the awesome people I work with and the friendly, comfortable environment I work in. But there are a few downsides to my job, such as the actual cleaning part. Sometimes you get awesome people staying in the rooms who are generally neat and tidy and some even partially clean the room before they leave. Then there are people who stay in a room and absolutely destroy the place, it's like they walked into the hotel and decided "I am going to make this housekeeper's life a living hell. You're welcome housekeeper." Here's a few examples of what I've dealt with going from gross to just pure annoying. 

Someone puked on the bed that the guest didn't even attempt to clean up, just left it sitting in a great big pile for me to clean. I didn't have to clean that room thankfully, but I was on laundry that day which meant I had to clean the blanket is was ALL over. The housekeeper who had brought me the blanket set it aside so that I didn't accidentally grab it and get puke all over myself but then another housekeeper came in, unknowingly picked it up and put it with the rest of the blankets, smearing puke all over the wall in the process. You know how you can kinda tell what the person was doing before they threw up if you're face to face with their puke? Well, I do. They were not sick because of the flu or another kind of illness. It was the kind of vomit that said "I went across the street to the bar last night, drank way too much and then made the bad decision of going next door and getting McDonalds." I'll tell you I'm definitely not eating McDonald's for awhile, that's for sure! 

Another time I had to clean a room that a family was staying in. I expected it to be dirty as kids are pretty hard to keep up with but it wasn't just the kids that were disgusting. I guess when the parents changed the kids diapers they figured that there was no need to neatly roll them up before putting them into the garbage can and that leaving them wide open with crap everywhere was totally acceptable. Well, not only that but they also decided that they would much rather not have the garbage bag in the garbage can where it belongs but it would be much better laying amongst all of the fast food wrappers and other garbage on the table. So, guess where those open dirty diapers went. Yepp, right into the garbage can with no bag in it. Shit EVERYWHERE on the inside of it. Guess who had to clean it. Yepp, me. 

I'll leave just those two gross ones as your stomache is probably churning and you're saying "No! No more!" So we'll move onto the annoying things. Luckily, there are more annoying things than gross things but when I find gross things they're just really gross. I've also heard many other horror stories from people who have worked there longer, so glad I haven't experienced that.. yet. 

A group of high school volleyball players recently came to town and decided my workplace would be the best place to book a whole bunch of rooms. When I heard that this was happening I was already not enthused as I absolutely HATE teenagers, (the stereotypical ones anyways) and I realized that I was really in for it when I was waiting for my boyfriend to come pick me up and a small group of volleyball players came in with their chaperones so they could book their rooms separately from the rest of the team. I had just gotten off work and had a killer headache (we had to rearrange a lot of guests in the hotel to make proper room for the teams so it was a long day) and they walk in there like they own the place and start yelling excitedly about all sorts of things. Mostly just Jersey Shore references which tells you something about their IQ level. Mostly all I heard while they were checking in was a lot of "YEAAAAH BUDDY" and "AWWW YEAAAH! YEAH!" I was so close to smacking them in the face and telling them to sit down and shut up but I kept my cool. \

I get to work the next morning after that and want to hit them even more when I found out that they got their hands on some silly string from the dollar store. I would also like to stop here and say something, Our location is probably the worst location EVER. Right across from us we have a bar, and a mini mall with a dollar store inside it. On our left we have McDonalds, and on our right we have an intersection. So, it's always impossible to get in/out of work because of constant traffic, the guests decide to go and get drunk at the bar and get McDonalds which leaves me with puke and lots of ketchup covered garbage to clean up, and the guests go buy stupid annoying little things from the dollar store just to piss me off. Anyways, I got to work and there was silly string in all of their rooms (thank god I didn't have those ones, I got the coaches rooms) and down the hallway. It wasn't a huge deal to clean up or anything since it was already hardened I and just picked up what I could and vacuumed the rest but it was extra work for us housekeepers to do. It just showed/proved that teenagers are inconsiderate and don't give two shits about anyone but themselves. And yes, I am 19, but I am not one of them. 

Also, the other day I went into a room to clean it and found that the bathroom was absolutely covered in white. It looked like some coke-head through a party in the bathroom. Luckily, it was not illegal drugs and only baby powder but it was still a bitch to clean up. It wasn't gross, and actually smelled nice and clean, it's just that as we all know, or should know, when you wet a powdery substance it turns to paste. So, whenever I sprayed the tub/sink/counter/toilet/floor with the cleaner it would turn into a paste-like substance. I had to wash everything at least 3 times and use the hose from the vacuum afterwards. It normally takes me 5 to 10 minutes max to clean a bathroom, this one took me 20, so it was just a waste of my time. The result of that day was me making this meme. 

When you clean toilets for a living, you have to have a good sense of humour. Instead of getting angry that I have all these messes to clean up I find things to laugh at instead, which isn't hard when you're a housekeeper. Some of the things you find in rooms makes you laugh pretty hard (such as walking in to a room with a broken bed), as well as some of the stories you hear from your co-workers (such as hearing a story of how that one girl who picked on you all through out high school had sex with a whole hockey team and got arrested for being drunk and partially naked in the stairwell after she had been kicked out of the room). Yepp, being a housekeeper is not an easy job but some things just make it totally worthwhile. 

But just a little reminder before I end this post, next time you stay in a hotel or motel or whatever, do not leave the room a mess. Put all of your garbage in the garbage cans (WITH bags in them!), throw out the soap/shampoo or whatever you used in the shower so we don't have to touch your buttcrack soap, if you make a gross mess at least attempt to clean it up to the best of your ability, and if you want to go the extra mile strip the bed! It makes our job a lot easier. And if you don't do these things and you stay where I work. I will hunt you down and smack you. Just kidding, I wouldn't do that. But seriously though.