Just Some Covers.

I absolutely love music, and I've been playing and singing for quite some time but rarely do I have the confidence to actually upload videos because I'm a little shy about that kind of thing. So, one day I decided to just go for it and stop worrying about what other people might think. If you like it, you like it, if not then you don't need to listen. Practice makes perfect :) 

She Will Be Loved Cover

When I'm Gone (Cups) Cover

Decisions, Decisions.

How many times in our lives are we faced with decisions? We face them many, many times on a daily basis but obviously some are on a much larger scale than others. The choices you may have to make could vary between "what should I eat for lunch today?" to "what do I want to do for the rest of my life?" We make decisions based on our own personal experience and our morals, beliefs and values. I personally have a tough time making even the smallest of decisions because I'm always concerned about every one of the possible outcomes of making that choice and I obsess over it for longer than I really should. I've realised that the possibilities of how something might turn out in the long run are endless because in the process you have to make a thousand smaller decisions to get you to the next point in your life. I cannot tell the future and I don't know where I'm going to be or what I'm going to be doing or feeling in 3 years from now, or even 6 months from now. I won't know until I get there. The truth is, to actually think about not being able to know what lies just ahead of me is terrifying but also exciting because as I said, the possibilities are endless. A lot of people like to think of life as a road or path where sometimes you come across a fork in the road and that's when you're faced with a decision. I like to think of life as an empty canvas, you have room to create your own story, and go whichever way you choose, there is no right or wrong way to learn. There are always going to be obstacles that pop up and you're going to have to find your way around them but if there's one thing I cannot stress more it's to not regret anything. At some point when you made that decision, you wanted it, so why regret something you once wanted? If you found out that you what you thought you wanted and what you actually wanted were completely different things there's no need to look back and say "I shouldn't have done that" or "I should have done this instead" because we can't erase the past but we can learn from it. One of the biggest questions of all time is "what is the point of life?" I believe that life is not about doing everything right and being the best or most accomplished person in the world. We all make mistakes but it's those mistakes that make us who we are. The point of your life is to be you, and no one else; to live up to your expectations, not society's, and to enjoy who you are and what you're doing. You can't enjoy yourself if you're constantly looking back and regretting the things you may have done wrong, but instead you can accept that you made a mistake and move on to the next part of your life knowing that you have grown as a person and have learned not only about how to handle certain situations but who you really are and expand on it. So, instead of obsessing over decisions and being afraid to make choices, just jump into it. There is no "worst thing that could happen" because even if something hurts you still learn and grow. Even if you thought it was the worst thing, you never really know where the other choices may have led you. The only thing you can do is make the best of it, move forward and continue creating your life and seeing where it may lead. 

Changes

You know what I find interesting? This may not be how it works with everyone but I can at least say it's true for myself and some of the people I have/had close relationships with. We do our most self reflections when we've been knocked down. We don't ever take the time to take a step back and look at ourselves when we're feeling good about ourselves, only when we're down. I was thinking today of all of the qualities I wish I could have but I don't and wondering if I could force myself to take on those qualities. For example, I'm a worrier and I'm often afraid to take risks. I need things to be absolutely clear and defined and laid out organized. I have a hard time making decisions even if it's just the smallest ones. These are a few of my personality characteristics, they make up who I am yet I often find that I don't want to be that person. I want to be brave and confident, and care less about things that I actually care way too much about. I want to stop obsessing over the little details and/or the things of the past. But I also realized I've had this thought so many times before too and I've tried to change parts of myself so that I can be completely satisfied with who I am. Then, I really started to think about it and I realized that I have changed quite a bit over the years. I've become stronger and taken a few more risks that I probably wouldn't have before, I've forced myself to step out of my shell more often and meet new people, but even though this is true I'm still often unhappy with the amount that all of these changes have increased. I thought that by now I wouldn't have a care in the world and that I'd be able to handle everything that comes my way. I thought I would be able to just brush off anything that made me feel less significant and unsure of myself because I'd be confident enough to know that who I am is just fine. These things seem to come so easily to others but for me it's like a struggle sometimes and I can't help but wonder if most people do feel this way but don't show it, or if it's something I'll grow out of, or if I'm just different. I'm not saying that I don't like who I am entirely, I do like certain aspects of myself but there are a lot of things that I could point out that I would like to improve and work on, and I'm quite impatient. A lot of the time I find myself wishing that I could just say "okay, starting today I'm going to be confident" and it would happen but reality is, is that it takes a lot of work and time to adapt to changes, and like I said, I'm impatient and honestly, a little bit scared. 

There are many things I wish I could change and I think my problem is, is that I have a major issue with feeling the need to be perfect. But here's the problem with my problem, there is no such thing as perfect. Everyone has a different idea of what "perfect" is but there is no exact description. So, my perspective on perfect is constantly changing because I'm hearing other people's opinions on what they think perfect is in all different aspects of life such as at work, as friends, in relationships, in every day life, and even as just a stranger. I want to be a good person who takes care of others and is sensitive to others feelings but at the same time I want to be able to be tough and strong and not have to worry about other people and how they affect my life, but the two just don't mix. Same goes for I want to be a confident person who isn't afraid to show the world exactly who they are but I also don't want to seem shallow or full of myself. There's no such thing as a happy medium apparently because no matter how hard I try I either end up caring too much or too little, coming off snobby because I'm too shy or obnoxious because I'm too "out there" or, end up hurting someone else because I'm too hard or hurting myself because I was too soft.  

After all of this over-analysing and thinking I've decided that there's nothing wrong with wanting to alter who you are to better yourself, because we do it all of the time regardless of whether we want to or not based on experiences in our lives. Our whole lives are spent figuring out who we are and I think that experiencing changes is definitely a part of that. Change is terrifying but it could be the best thing that ever happened to you and it's not something to obsess over. I don't need to change because someone else might want something different from me, I should want to change so that I can be happier and have a better life. So that's exactly what I will do. I can be whoever I want to be, and can do whatever I set my mind to. I can live life with no regrets, and stop obsessing over the past. The past is the past and you just have to take from that what you can learn and keep moving forward.