Decisions, Decisions.

How many times in our lives are we faced with decisions? We face them many, many times on a daily basis but obviously some are on a much larger scale than others. The choices you may have to make could vary between "what should I eat for lunch today?" to "what do I want to do for the rest of my life?" We make decisions based on our own personal experience and our morals, beliefs and values. I personally have a tough time making even the smallest of decisions because I'm always concerned about every one of the possible outcomes of making that choice and I obsess over it for longer than I really should. I've realised that the possibilities of how something might turn out in the long run are endless because in the process you have to make a thousand smaller decisions to get you to the next point in your life. I cannot tell the future and I don't know where I'm going to be or what I'm going to be doing or feeling in 3 years from now, or even 6 months from now. I won't know until I get there. The truth is, to actually think about not being able to know what lies just ahead of me is terrifying but also exciting because as I said, the possibilities are endless. A lot of people like to think of life as a road or path where sometimes you come across a fork in the road and that's when you're faced with a decision. I like to think of life as an empty canvas, you have room to create your own story, and go whichever way you choose, there is no right or wrong way to learn. There are always going to be obstacles that pop up and you're going to have to find your way around them but if there's one thing I cannot stress more it's to not regret anything. At some point when you made that decision, you wanted it, so why regret something you once wanted? If you found out that you what you thought you wanted and what you actually wanted were completely different things there's no need to look back and say "I shouldn't have done that" or "I should have done this instead" because we can't erase the past but we can learn from it. One of the biggest questions of all time is "what is the point of life?" I believe that life is not about doing everything right and being the best or most accomplished person in the world. We all make mistakes but it's those mistakes that make us who we are. The point of your life is to be you, and no one else; to live up to your expectations, not society's, and to enjoy who you are and what you're doing. You can't enjoy yourself if you're constantly looking back and regretting the things you may have done wrong, but instead you can accept that you made a mistake and move on to the next part of your life knowing that you have grown as a person and have learned not only about how to handle certain situations but who you really are and expand on it. So, instead of obsessing over decisions and being afraid to make choices, just jump into it. There is no "worst thing that could happen" because even if something hurts you still learn and grow. Even if you thought it was the worst thing, you never really know where the other choices may have led you. The only thing you can do is make the best of it, move forward and continue creating your life and seeing where it may lead. 

A Re-Realization With The Help of a Friend

Tonight, I got talking with a friend over Facebook about some things I have gone through in the past. After going back and remembering everything I had this realization, that I know I already knew, just didn't ever know how to say it, but now I've figured out how to put it into words thanks to a very kind and patient person. 


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Me
I've made a LOT of mistakes in my life. And yet, people still doubt my actions and my reasoning for doing things. For example, most of my friends are appalled that I'm even letting my ex-boyfriend be apart of my life still because he cheated. Just because he cheated doesn't mean I hate HIM, I hate his actions, yes, but he will always be my best friend. They don't comprehend that cause they haven't been through everything I have. Forgiveness is a very powerful thing. I ALWAYS forgive. I'll be mad for as long as I want but some day, one day I'll forgive that person. Even if they screw up and do the same thing 3284728947389247 times. I may get annoyed with them but I still always forgive them in the end.
Because without forgiveness, no one would learn and grow. I'm sure one day I'll forgive the people who have done really wrong to me. Just not any time soon.


Friend
That's a beautiful thing to do, you really are notch above.


Me 
Thanks, most people don't think so, then again I don't usually take the time to explain everything to everyone.
Because I don't believe I should have to justify my actions to anyone, I think I should be able to make my own decisions based on what I know and my own experience rather than people's opinions and it's just natural that I'm going to make mistakes along the way, because I'm human, and I learn from those mistakes. Maybe not right away, or in a way that everyone can see, but I, personally, know in my heart I've learned something.
Thanks so much for listening to my huge long story, it helps me when I talk about it cause sometimes I forget, and sometimes I even forget who I am in a sense.


Friend
well, I'm glad you told me


Me
Like, what I just wrote, the above two paragraphs, I didn't know how to put it into words before to the people judging me and telling me what to do but now I know, just from recapping everything
All I could say was "you don't understand" which is a horrible thing to say to anyone cause they just might understand if you actually explain to them. As people, we generally don't take the time to do that. We just get angry and frustrated with them for not being able to read your mind.


Friend
I've actually thought the same thing


Me
I bet a lot of people have. Most people just don't actually acknowledge it.


Friend
Well, I haven't until now.


Me
But we all know this, we just need to be reminded sometimes.
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So to all that read this, please take this all to heart, and always remember to forgive. You don't have to forget, actually I don't even suggest forgetting because remembering your past and your mistake allows you to be who you are today and to continue to learn and grow. I hope that what I've said makes someone think, if what I've said here has made even just one person change the way they see things in a positive way I'd be eternally happy. Never let yourself forget who you are and always be true to yourself.


Love Always, 
Amanda <3